Ready to Have Kids test

A friend passed along the following and I got a good laugh from reading it. If you have small children or are around small children, you should get a chuckle or two. Maybe you are considering small children in your future. Either way, Enjoy!

Test 1 Preparation

For women to prepare for pregnancy:
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Test 2 Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 10 lbs, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for 11pm and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 3 Cars
1. Forget the Mustang. Buy a practical 5-door minivan.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 4 Going For a Walk

Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again

Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, etc.
Retrace your steps.
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 5 Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child: a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.3.

Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 6 Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon and make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of mush and attempt to spoon into the swaying melon while pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the mush is gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Test 7 TV
1. Learn the names of every character from the Disney Junior, Nick Junior, and PBS kids.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 8 Mess
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon.
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor & leave it there.

Test 9 Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mommy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this recording in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Random picture to complete the post:

Gavin and I sitting on one of the many gators on campus during the summer from Sean's phone.